உச்சியிலிருந்து பள்ளம்
உன் ரசாயனங்கள்
சிதறியடித்து எகிற,
மனம் உச்சியை எட்டி
ஆபார படைப்புப் பிறந்தது
வன்முறையும்.
அதே மனம் பள்ளத்தில் இறங்கி
நெஞ்சடைக்கும் இருள்க்கண்டு
தற்க்கொலை எண்ணம்.
ரசாயங்களில் விளையாட்டில் சிக்காமல்
எனக்கும் இதே அனுபவங்கள்
வைக்கவேண்டுமா முற்றுப்புள்ளி.
What our children could be…
Here is a far thinking article by a pioneering group of educationists on careers of the future. A must read for all parents:
http://www.nimblekits.com/kitscms/article/13
Opt to Adopt
Adoptive Parents family meet
Adopting a child is nothing more or nothing less than an alternate way to parenting. As a part of an important stakeholder in the adoption programme in Tamil Nadu, India, I come across varied perceptions to the idea of adoption. Needless to say there are many myths floating around which I wish to demolish through this post!
Common public perception/myths on adoption:
- It is a great act of charity – Yes it is on the part of the child. Believe me the child graces your family by being a part of it.
- Children are available for picking – They are certainly not. The ratio of children available for adoption to waiting prospective parents is nearly 1:6. And if you are lucky you will be picked among many – by destiny and the child.
- Once we have made the decision we can bring home a child that very day – You have to wait at least
dancing skills
as long as you do when are pregnant or more!
- Adopted children need to be indulged in, lest they feel neglected – No way! The laws of parenting are the same for biological and adopted children . THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE. DO NOT let the child manipulate you. Be kind but firm
- Adoptive status must never be revealed – It can be revealed as early as when the child is 2 or 3 years old. A good way to start is by telling stories of great adoptions from your own culture. Then as the child’s understanding grows state as factually as possible the circumstances of her adoption. Sooner than later someone is going to tell the child and not in the best of circumstances. So it is best you do. There was a case when an adolescent girl was told this in a shouting match between the parents! It took years to repair that damage. So say it well and on time.
- The child must never be allowed to talk about her biological parents – In most legal non family
an adoptive family
adoptions, information about bio parents are confidential – known only to the State and foundling home. However tell the child as much as you know. Never berate the bio parents or make the child feel she was ‘not wanted’. Tell her circumstances make people take certain decisions – but always in the best interest of the child. If the child is insistent – allow and enable the child to trace her roots. You can be 100% assured she considers you her safest haven and will never leave you.
- Adoption is the last resort – Many couples especially in India put off the adoption decision till they are well into their 40s after many frustrating and expensive attempts to conceive. If you want to have children decide early. Imagine having to deal with a teenager when you are 50 +!!!
There is so much more to talk about and discuss on this topic. The main areas I am concerned are promoting healthy, legal adoptions of Indian children by Indian parents ; deinstitutionalising destitute and orphaned children by bringing them into the adoption stream.
When we dream…
I was Editwatching the Robin Williams film “What dreams may come”. Made me think or rather reiterated a previous notion that dreams could as well be an alternate reality. Not an entirely unpleasant thought unless we are considering nightmares here. I am not getting into dream interpretations here, but I am a vivid dreamer and a friend even said that I have too much of an active dream life because I have dark circles around my eyes! Here I am sharing some recurring dreams of mine, rather ridiculous common ones. I never remember the soul shaking ones. Though I remember the soul being shaken.
1. Dreams of flying _ Oh this is glorious! For a few moments after waking I actually believe I can fly.
2. Missing the train – This is scary.. always! I am sure I have to get to someplace urgent.. a matter of life and death.. this is the end!
3. All teeth falling out — Scary too… I squarely blame my mother for it. Because when I refused to wear retainers (braces) as a kid, she threatened that all my teeth will fall out when I am 21. I am way past that age now and this dream stopped abt 5 years ago
4. Running a marathon – this one is exhilarating and I feel like a superwoman the morning after and also super tired.
5. Lots of dreams where current happenings in my life or anticipated ones play out in the most illogical manners with people changing from scene to scene…ie my daughter may change into my mother in law in the next scene… and I don’t bat an eyelid.
6. Back seat driving – literally so! I drive the car from the back seat with amazing contortions and am a Formula one racer at that!
7. Riding a bicycle like the wind – Over mountains and vales; oceans and volcanoes; from continent to continent. haven’t ventured into space yet. BTW my waking life bicycling proficiency is at level 1 – stationary bike at the gym for 5 mins 😦
Been working on this for a while now. A story in pictures that talks about how unscrupulous humans are destroying life and that there is always someone to redeem.Brides at a Premium
A newspaper report yesterday says the ratio of eligible brides to grooms in Rajasthan is 9:70. This is the prevalent demographic state of most Indian communities today. Just 20 years back, families were hoping to ‘catch’ eligible NRI boys for their daughters. Today, brides are at a premium. Any family you meet within the community will have at least one or two ‘outstanding’ bachelors who are simply not able to find a girl to marry even if they if they no more want fair, slim, ‘status’ed ones.
Familiar encounters in the marriage market more than 2o years ago in a Tam Brahm community:
Girl’s side (GS): Hello Mrs So & so. So and so maami said your son is eligible for marriage. I have a daughter…
Boy’s side (BS): Hmmm… My son is well settled in America ma. In 2 years he will get green card. Already lot of proposals are pouring in. Why don’t you send your daughter’s horroscope, bio data, photo, family details etc. If we like it we will get back to you. Also we have only one demand. The marriage should be on a grand scale. We conducted grand marriage for our daughter. And the seer (read dowry) should look good in front of our relatives. You know what I mean no?
GS: Ok mami… thank you so much for talking so well to me. I will send all the details soon…
Line disconnects
GS to husband: Looks like like they are much above our status. but such a good varan we cant let go. We will try to do our best.. then its God’s will. Enna solrengo?
Familiar encounters in the marriage market today:
BS: Hello Mrs So & so. So and so maami said your daughter is eligible for marriage. I have a son IIT, IIM now in Chicago. Getting green card in 2 years
GS: Sorry Mrs so and so. my daughter already has green card. Will be citizen in 2 years. We are looking for already citizen maapillai. Should earn more than her. Otherwise will get complex no?
BS: Oh ok mami. Sorry for bothering you.
Line disconnects
BS to husband: These days girls are too independent. What will they do with so much salary put together. Tch tch… this also wont work out. i think we should pursue that divorcee girl. Annulled marriage , doesnt matter. Nothing would have happened.
I am sure these conversations are being repeated in all communities with variations in content but very similar in tone. What is the reason for this? I have this theory that female foeticide was practised widely not only by illiterate villagers but also within educated communities. It was about 20- 30 years ago that pre natal scans revealed the sex of the unborn child. That is the reason for such a lop sided ratio.
Its cruel to say this, but what is happening today is in a way poetic justice…
International Eye!
YES!!! India has grabbed international attention… big time. For two things – Mumbai under terrorist attack and the Slumdog sweep at the Oscars. Astrologers have predicted that India will be a super power soon. So this is the beginning. First step to get noticed. Second step to be constantly in the International Eye. Third step get lauded for every sneeze. Fourth Step become a megalomaniac. Fifth step lose focus on things that matter like grass root development. Sixth step try desperately to boost image and make branding & PR companies rich. Seventh step have a glitzy shell which is hollow inside. Then the END.
Do we have to get noticed for all the wrong things? It is a reality that the developed West wants only to see the worst of India. Way back in the ’70s my father was the Indian correspondent for the New York Times. With an abiding passion for Tamil literature and running a highly respected literary magazine ‘Kanaiyazhi’ with a very small circulation, he was the most frustrated man working for NYT. His American bosses would relentlessly send him off to cover disaster news in the nooks and corners of India. My father would sneak in a ‘Chipko’ movement story (one man Bahuguna’s brave effort to save the trees of Garhwal) along with a ‘commissioned’ story on how a helpless village woman was raped and paraded naked on the village dustroads being in the crossfire of male class politics. How did this story read with vicarious interest by the American public help her? Or women sharing her fate? Finally my father left the NYT and relocated to Madras to indulge his passion for tamil literature. Sadly, the western interest in pitiable India continues and is fuelled by such awards and recognitions. Don’t get me wrong – AR Rahman is brilliant, so is Pookutty. But there are other of their works which could have been celebrated… if not internationally, at least in Mumbai and Delhi.
BBCC team goes to Prison
And we went to prison … to see the heritage site soon to be razed to make way for a new GH block. If you can ignore that it is really a prison you will find the place quite leafy and green. There were crowds thronging the prison entrance – quite a tourist spot it has become.
Part of our group was waiting at the famous prison gate (which is quite a way from the entrance) You have to come down a winding overbridge that leads to an empty lot where all manners of vendors from sundal to colour (cold drink) had set up shop. To our horror our tour culminated in the gallows which was at the very same spot!
From there our entourage of 6 kids and 5 adults proceeded to the meet the rest of the group. Policemen with lathis greeted us. Thank God! we were on the right side of the relationship. What those lathis could do to the ones on the wrong side !
Viduthalai!
As you can see from the above pictures we had a great time and an informative one too. It was a new experience for all of us. It was interesting to see the kids’ perception of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ evolving there. They felt that the criminals housed there should have got better treatment. We saw sites where the riots took place, cells where Jayalalitha, Sashikala, Jayendra Saraswathi and Mu Ka were imprisoned. Also Auto Shankar’s escape route.
We saw some interesting graphiti too ( I suspect drawn by one of the recent tourists!)
Dial M for Murder?
And as I mentioned earlier, the tour ended at the gallows at little after dusk. The scene which greeted us on arrival – of a colourful market place had totally changed into an eerie picture of death and doomed men. The last hanging there occured in 1975. It is a long way from the cells to this place. Imagine the mental state the men who walked the long journey to the rope.
Rashrei's Blog 
P3-P4
First hand experience of a true blue P3 event. Parties and events attended by ‘socialities’ of the community become news and thereby evolves the P3 culture. In a reversal of pattern Chennai’s P3 culture has actually been created by the media. Chennai has always been a hot spot of culture and events of all hues… kutcheris, koothu, Jazz, Theatre et al. And each has a community of its own – dynamic and energetic. Now this P3 culture projects a few as the dons and divas of ‘culture’ in the city. Who are these people? When my polka dot chadhi friend invited me for such an event, I went with enthusiasm and found myself in a quintessential P3 party! It was amusing in no small measure. There were perfumed folks thronging the cocktail bar after the fashion show- which was good with Pascal’s powerful singing and hunks and lissome models sashaying down the ramp. There were jhatak matak men and power dressed women in equal quantities. What really struck me was that I was coming face to face with faces from Facebook! I had the company of a very good friend who is a real wag. We met the Page3 makers – two bemused photographers of the blahrags of Chennai. My funny friend told them to start a Page 4 which will feature the same P3s the morning after!
Share this:
February 16, 2009 at 12.00 7 comments